I often forget some of my personal family life. Maybe it’s because I don’t want a reminder? Maybe it’s because I was 9 years old at the time so wasn’t really aware of what was what then? It wasn’t until I saw a post about world suicide prevention day, that I thought, I should write something. But what? I don’t know anyone? But I do. I had forgotten for a brief moment that I have had personal experiences with this. How does one forget such a thing?
Today for suicide prevention day, I want to get very personal with you. Is that ok? I’m going to tell you what happened back when I was 9 years old. So let’s rewind the time….
I was 9 years old and living with my nan in Glasgow. My mother, two sisters and mothers husband also lived in Glasgow at the time. From what I remember, everything seemed ‘normal,’ my mum was happy, my sisters were happy. We were all happy.
I remember being at school at the time and my head teacher came and took me aside into an empty class room. I could see he was upset by something but I wasn’t sure what? I was panicking, trying to think of what I could have possibly of done to be in trouble haha.
I can’t remember the exact words he said to me, but it was something like ‘I’m really sorry to tell you this but something has happened at home and your nan is on her way to pick you up.’ It was a lot more sensitive sounding than that.
My nan turned up and we went over to my mothers house, well, we didn’t go into the house. We sat with the next door neighbours whilst we waited for my mum to return. I thought it was odd that we weren’t allowed in the house, but we had juice and biscuits so I sat and waited.
To be honest, I literally cannot remember who told me what happened and how it happened. But at some point in time, I was told the exact details of how my step dad had died.
He had committed suicide.
I won’t go into the exact details because it’s a little bit sensitive and I’m not sure my family would be happy with releasing the whole details about it all so publicly.
They were together for 6 years and not one of us knew he was feeling that way. As far as we were aware, he was ‘happy,’ a bubbly, comical guy that had a lot to live for.
I think back then, mental health wasn’t spoken of much. Maybe he saw it as an embarrassment? Maybe he was ashamed? I really don’t know. But what I do know, is that it’s ok to talk about mental health. I can’t begin to imagine how it must feel to be so low that you don’t want to live anymore. It must be awful! I have some friends with various mental health issues and they really struggle some days. It breaks my heart because I want to do more for them! I want to erase it from them. But I can’t. All I can do is be there when they need me.
There needs to be far more awareness and support in this world for it! Like all services right now, there just isn’t enough of them. Lack of staffing, lack of training, lack of a lot of things.
However, saying this, it is being talked about more today. Which could make the world of difference to one person.
So here I am, if you are struggling and need someone to talk to. An ear. A shoulder to cry on. Someone to distract you even for a brief moment. I’m here for you ❤️🌻 You’re not alone in this. There are so many people out there who love and care for you. Please contact me.